Depression:
Why Is It So Popular?
by Jackie Kosednar

 

It takes courage to unravel your life.

Why has depression been increasing so rapidly on our planet in the last twenty years? Statistically, more people will experience and be diagnosed with depression this year than last. Depression is a disease much more subtle than cancer or diabetes but can be just as fatal. It is a disease that attaches itself to other diseases. If you are currently undergoing cancer treatment, you can expect depression to sink in with the diagnosis and follow you through treatment. At times, depression can become a major problem -- unless you are one of the few who figure out what meaning your disease has for you and, with that knowledge, set about to change your life.

Depression is now showing up in children and is rampant among teenagers. They claim to find no "meaning" in anything. There is big money involved in creating new drug varieties to suppress the symptoms of depression so people can function. In most medical paradigms, drugs solve the problem. Just tell your doctor you are depressed; she will probably prescribe a drug. You don't even have to have treatment. You can just take the drug until your life situation improves -- or the rest of your life if need be. Unfortunately, this is no solution at all. Fortunately, the holistic approach incorporates body, mind and spiritual therapy to bring about a permanent solution.

A few years ago, a client of mine went to a psychiatrist because her mother died and she was deeply grieving. Grief is very often confused with depression. With plenty of medical insurance to use, she thought a professional could help her move through the grief in a healthier way. The psychiatrist said to her, "Why bother to grieve when I can give you an antidepressant and you won't have to grieve at all?" The woman then got angry. Why? Because the psychiatrist had threatened something very special to her: the meaning of her mother's death. The woman chose a holistic approach, allowing the grief process to unfold naturally, taking time off work when she needed to cry. Through ceremony and ritual, she savored every part of her process, completing the relationship with her mother and deepening her soul.

Along with lack of meaning, hopelessness is one of the main ingredients necessary for depression to thrive. In this respect, it is a spiritual disease and much less likely to occur in people who are practicing a religion, or living with spiritual values. With television and the media distorting reality, painting false elaborate pictures of how life should be, it is easy to not measure up. No wonder depression is more common in mid- life! The "American Dream" easily becomes a nightmare when the first half of life is over and we realize we haven't achieved the dreams we started out with. The failure of those dreams can hurl us into depression: the perfect relationship turned sour or never arrived, financial setbacks, the perfect family destroyed through alcohol, addiction or an affair. The hopeless that we will never get it right sets in. Figuring out that life is not about "who has the most toys wins" can be the first step to figuring out what life is really all about.

I recently did some healing work with a young man just out of institutional treatment for drug abuse. New to Alaska, he was at a crossroads in his life and considering antidepressants again. Both of his parents (divorced since he was 2) had been on antidepressants for his entire childhood. His mother had found her way out of depression and off drugs through a holistic health approach. The young man had been on an antidepressant during his early teenage years, before he discovered that recreational drugs and alcohol worked better for him. It just wasn't cool to be on antidepressants, but it was cool to drink and drug. Now that he had given up the alcohol and drugs, he just couldn't shake the depression. Through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), however, he had begun to develop a relationship with his Higher Power.

As we began to explore his basic belief systems and attitudes that were carried as energy in his body, the main theme that emerged was "why bother?" He energetically carried a thought system he inherited from his parents: "Nothing works for me, so why bother?" Scanning his field, I noticed that many energy flows in his body were shut down. The vision I received was of a blanket thrown over a light, concealing his light. On the surface, he was mildly upset because he had a very young daughter that his girlfriend wouldn't allow him to parent. Was he going to get his parental rights established legally, I asked? The thought never occurred to him. "Why bother?" Another man was with the girlfriend now. Besides, his daughter was so young she wouldn't even remember him. "Why bother?"

Behind these beliefs was a lot of anger because it did matter; it mattered very much. This young man loved and wanted his child, but he had no role model for expressing his anger. He had lived with depressed parents whose brains and psyches were chemically altered. He had learned not to feel, not to question, not to reach out. Feelings that needed to be explored and expressed because they led to the signposts in life showing him which way to go were all neatly suppressed. His anger would have gotten him in touch with the deep primitive parental love he carried for his daughter.

The depression lifted when we energetically cleared the thought "Nothing works, so why bother?" Suddenly, everything mattered. He saw how things could work for him, and how he could develop a relationship with his daughter. He made plans to go back to his home state. Hope was alive and well underneath it all. His child gave meaning to his life.

Did the depression end here for him? Probably not. Old habits die hard. New habits have to be reinforced. I recommended that Martial Arts might be a good way to help him deal with the powerlessness that had blanketed his life force. He needed to learn how to motivate himself, express his anger appropriately, work with feelings, deepen and nurture his new relationship with his Higher Power and baby daughter -- things that gave him meaning. He needed spiritual values and ceremony to put him in touch with his soul. I recommended he find a men's center and get additional training in coping skills. I also suggested that he find a church to belong to, or to do things that made a difference to others and made him feel good about himself.

It takes courage to unravel your life. Using prescription antidepressants can be a temporary fix. You can accept the medical model that says your hormones just don't work right and live on drugs. Or, you can explore yourself and look for beliefs and habitual thoughts that block natural happiness. You can decide for yourself what matters in life and what doesn't; you can decide where meaning resides within yourself.

There are many religions and churches to help us in our quest for hope and meaning. There are treatment programs that include good exercise regimens and diet. We are currently in the midst of a spiritual revolution of sorts. In this new 21st century, with all of our amazing technology, we will completely redefine our lives to see where the real meaning lies. It could be that the mass depression we seem to be experiencing is just a precursor to this new definition of life that our emerging spirituality will give us.

Jackie Kosednar is a Body-Mind Therapist specializing in personal growth. She is the publisher of Alaska Wellness Magazine and author of the book, "One Miracle After Another."

Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
by Jackie Kosednar

 

The amount of joy you were raised with is how much joy you habitually manifest, unless you take on the task of changing your mind.

When working with a person who is depressed, I find he or she will inevitably ask: "What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy?" In exploring these questions, what usually surfaces is the realization that our inner demands and expectations of life either cannot be realized or aren't based in reality. The truth is that life is often hard and uncomfortable; it's not meant to be perfect and never will be.

Most of us are continually comparing ourselves to an invisible model of life. This model of the 'perfect life' has been forming all our lives, in the hazy background of our thinking. It may be so subtle that we don't even realize we are constantly comparing our life to it and coming up lacking.

Where did this model come from? Most of it came from TV, movies and the media in general. Pictures of the perfect life have been presented to us subtly in all marketing campaigns. The message is some version of the idea that you can have the perfect life by "just doing this." Gorgeous men promise you can have them if you just wear this perfume. Soft white perfect clothes can be yours if you just use that detergent. Change your hair color and you can change your life. But if you don't wear a certain deodorant, then you may be socially ostracized. And God forbid someone should smell you -- you must prevent that at all costs, even if your aluminum deordorant causes breast cancer. From the TV commercials that promise you the moon "if only you do this" to the distorted images and perceptions of movies that make life a much more exciting romantic adventure than it usually is, the model develops and becomes stronger. It insists that life is supposed to be perfect and so are you. After all, everyone else has a perfect life, don't they?

We obey the media faithfully and don't realize that the promised perfect life will never manifest. The perfume didn't get you the man. You dressed for success and yet didn't get the fabulous new job. You changed your hair color but your life didn't change. And no one admired your soft white clothes. No matter what you do, you just can't get it right.

There are times, however, when you almost get it right: life is good, your career is cooking, and you have lost those extra 20 pounds. You're on a roll. What happens next? The dog gets run over by a car, your husband walks out on you or your kids get busted for drugs and your perfect family becomes hopelessly flawed -- the perfect image is shattered again. There must be something wrong with you. Depression sets in as you gain back the 20 pounds, pick up the pieces and try to move on. The could-haves, should-haves and if-onlys set in; unhappiness becomes a living thing. You ask yourself yet again: "What's wrong with me?"

I believe this question is one of the most dangerous to self-esteem. Truth is - there is nothing wrong with you, or any of us. Rather, it is the model in our head that is wrong, for there is no perfect life. The model will always challenge us until we master it. As soon as we get comfortable, life will turn us upside down and make us go another ten yards. It is designed to bring out the best in us, develop our talents and abilities, and build character, for the greatest challenges hold the greatest gifts. However, at some time in our life we will inevitably be abandoned, betrayed, rejected, hurt, frustrated and embarrassed. People and situations will piss us off. We will all make mistakes, sometimes big ones.

Out of our wounds, life purpose develops. Our personal growth and development are more important to Life that having it all. Life has its own agenda and most of the time we resist it to the max, causing ourselves a lot of unhappiness along the way. God's will and our will can hopelessly become at odds. Unfortunately for the ego, God's will always wins in the end. So make it easy on yourself and surrender.

Even the therapy models compare people against a standard: perfection. Remember when co-dependency was a sickness? (Compared to a perfect model, it is.) Then it was discovered that everyone was co-dependent (therapists being some of the worst case scenerios), which makes co-dependency a normal state. How many people do you know who are perfect? More often we hate our past, hate our parents, all those people who did us in and use that as a good excuse as to why we don't have the perfect life. Some people won't even go to therapy because it is an admission to imperfection. If you admit you are imperfect, how can the perfect dream happen?

Most people are just about as happy as they decide to be or as happy as their parents were. It has nothing to do with how healthy they are. There are some messed up people who are very happy and some pretty together people who are miserable. The amount of joy you were raised with is how much joy you habitually manifest, unless you take on the task of changing your mind. It is the thoughts you entertain all day long that decide your happiness or unhappiness, not what happens or doesn't happen to you. Of course you are in charge of your thoughts and you can change them.

That model in your head of the perfect mate, the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect look is a myth. What would happen if you erased it? Can you imagine living without the myth? How freeing that would be! You don't have to get it right; you don't have to be a big success. You can let go of the need to prove you are ok - - because you are. You just have to live and learn to be yourself. Nothing else is required of you. How liberating!

The first task is to become aware of the model. Then begin to erase it by not obeying it anymore. Drop demands and expectations when you find yourself indulging in them. You can change your mind. You can be happy no matter what is going on in your life as long as you don't take life too personally. This is the road to self-mastery.

If it seems like a big job to change those unhappy dreary thoughts, just think of how hard it is to change physical reality, people or the nature of life. Changing your thoughts is much, much easier.

Jackie Kosednar is a holistic health practitioner combining spiritual counseling, hypnotherapy, and energy work. She is the publisher of Alaska Wellness magazine and author of the book, "One Miracle After Another."

The Holiday Blues
by Skip Hrin

Holidays can provide unforeseen difficulties for some...

The holiday season is here. Lights are up, shoppers are out, parties are on, relatives are in, and everyone seems cheery – almost everyone. Holidays can be a mixed bag of emotions. For many it is a joyful time to reunite with friends and family and revel in holiday festivities. For others, though, it can be a time full of grief. While it may seem everyone in the world is feeling happy and joyous, some are not feeling that way.

The holiday blues are, unfortunately, extremely common. They affect men and women, young and old, and range from mild sadness to severe depression. They can be the result of simple pressures or expectations that accompany the holidays, such as gift buying, decorating, meal preparations, or apprehension over a big family gathering. They can also be caused by loneliness, sadness, or grief over someone who is no longer here.

The holidays can be a tough time for people who are grieving or coming to terms with loss in their lives. Not only the death of a loved one - although that type of loss can certainly be illuminated during the holidays - but simply being away from people that are cared about can be a source of upset. Distance from loved ones, for example, can become a focus during the holidays as memories of times spent together are recalled and separation is highlighted.

Cultural expectations can also contribute to the holiday blues. Often unnoticed or invisible to an individual’s conscious thought, expectations can be a significant source of upset when they can not be met or if the individual does not necessarily agree with the expectation. For example, as we are inundated with images of “holiday cheer” through television, print, and radio advertisements, what is someone to do if they can’t “get into the spirit”? Those individuals not in sync with holiday expectations often think something is wrong with them. This thought process can operate as a double whammy for the individual, who may have legitimate reasons for feeling less than joyful in the first place and becomes overtly aware that he or she is not happy like everyone else.

There can also be a physiological component to holiday depression. Some people annually experience the "winter blues," or what is clinically known as seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Approximately 11 million people are diagnosed with SAD, and women are four times more likely to suffer from it than men. SAD results from fewer hours of sunlight as the days grow shorter during the winter months. Many people feel mildly depressed during the winter, but some people have more severe bouts of feeling down all the time, low energy, problems with sleep and appetite, loss of interest in activities, and reduced concentration to the point where they have difficulty functioning at work or at home. Other common symptoms of SAD include oversleeping, extreme fatigue, increased appetite with carbohydrate craving, overeating, and weight gain. With more severe episodes, people may have suicidal thoughts.

Research has shown that many patients with SAD improve with exposure to bright, artificial light, called light therapy, or phototherapy. As little as 30 minutes per day of sitting under a special fluorescent light box can result in significant improvement in 60% to 70% of SAD patients.

In addition to the above explanations, a post-holiday letdown resulting from emotional disappointments during the holiday months, a lack of activities to tend to or participate in following such an eventful time, as well as physical reactions caused by excess fatigue and stress, may cause holiday blues to continue into the new year. If coupled with SAD, these feelings can continue through the winter months.

Tips for coping
There are three C’s of coping for those who suffer from holiday blues: Choose, Communicate, and Compromise. Make choices about what you want to do. Communicate those choices to people around you. If your choices could cause other people grief, try to compromise and find a middle ground.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the American Psychological Association, and the National Mental Health Association offer these additional tips to help prevent holiday blues:

	Establish realistic goals and expectations for the holiday season, and do not count on the holidays to cure all past problems. Try to remember that the holidays do not prevent or insulate one from sadness or loneliness.
	Limit your consumption of alcohol. As a general rule of thumb, moderate consumption of most things is helpful. Try to distinguish between celebrating and consuming.
	Recognize that you don’t have to feel festive. Accept and acknowledge your emotions and do not force yourself to express feelings that are not there. If you have recently experienced a tragedy, death or romantic breakup, honor your needs by addressing the issue and, if appropriate, communicate your needs to others.
	If financial issues are contributing to holiday stress, know your spending limit and stick to it. Explore holiday activities that are free, such as driving around to look at holiday decorations. Go window-shopping with a friend and enjoy their company rather than buying something.
	Express your feelings to those around you in a constructive, honest, and open way.

If someone you know is experiencing holiday blues:

	Try to involve that person in holiday activities in an appealing, non-forceful manner.
	Be available to listen. If individuals express hopelessness or worthlessness, be supportive. Communicate you are there for them and are willing to help, even if that means seeking professional help.
	If people express suicidal thoughts, take them seriously.
	Familiarize yourself with resources such as mental health centers, counseling centers and hotlines. In the Anchorage area, Providence Hospital is available for emergencies and Southcentral Counseling has a 24-hour crisis line (563-3200).
	Overall, it can be helpful to be aware that holidays can be difficult for people, especially when reality doesn’t measure up to expectations. Support and understanding can go a long way and it seems particularly appropriate during the holiday season to focus on love and care for those around us.

Dr. Skip Hrin is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 11 years experience of helping individuals, families, and couples with a wide range of difficulties experienced in today’s world. Phone: (907) 350-9603.

What's Beneath the Need to Cut?

Bruce Bibee

 

Why do people self-mutilate in the first place?

 

“I’m in a trance-like state when I cut on myself,” she told me. I’ve heard that before. Most of the folks I’ve worked with who cut on themselves (a form of self-mutilation) claim to be in a trance-like state when they are cutting. But what brings about the need to go into such a state of consciousness? Or—the more obvious question: Why do people self-mutilate in the first place?

 

Psychology offers a variety of explanations. From a purely biological point of view, cutting is linked to dopamine, opionids, and endorphins. In this model, cutting is, paradoxically, a way to feel better.

 

From a social model, self-mutilation has been shown as a way to avoid other feelings and/or as a way to be in control of something.

 

From a psychological model, there are various conflicting explanations. The central point of agreement, however, is that cutting is a form of ‘self-help.’ Therefore, some theorists say that it’s a way to set up ego boundaries. Others see self-mutilation as rage against the self. Freudian types see it as a way to deal with sexual issues.

 

Finally, there may also be cultural explanations. The main ones identified are that self-mutilation can heal; bring one to a spiritual state; establish group identity; act as a control over sexuality; and, mark one with social status.

 

So, what if we combine these various theories and look at cutting as a multi-faceted problem; or, better yet, view it as the end result of a combination of factors (biological, social, psychological, cultural)? With this more integrative approach, we would have many more tools at our disposal. For example, if we approach this from a spiritual focus, we can see rites-of-passage as a possible antidote to cutting. Because this is one issue I’ve looked at in some depth, I’ll pursue this line of thinking here—but, remember, this is one line of inquiry among many.

 

Over the several years I’ve worked with folks in recovery, I often ask individuals to identify at what age the addiction took over. Amazingly, the answer was the same for about 99% of the folks I worked with: between 11 and 14 years old. The median age was 12 years old.

 

So, the key question becomes: What developmental process is the addiction replacing? Long story short: rites of passage are supposed to be happening!

 

Unfortunately, our culture has dropped such significant rituals of passage out of our societal training program. Therefore, what I’ve done with many of the teens I’ve worked with (including my own children) is come up with an identifiable task whereby the teen can ‘prove’ his manhood or her womanhood. Once this is accomplished, much of adolescent acting-out behaviors is unnecessary. These teens no longer have anything to prove. They have no need to establish their independence. They have, instead, a mandate to grow into a mature adult with the coaching, mentoring and support of the adults in their lives.

 

Of course, the downside to this agenda is the problem of adults in their lives who may have never reached some level of true adulthood themselves. In other words, if you’re not acting like an adult, how can you validate my entry into adult-land? Well, you can’t. I’ll have to find my own way there. Since my resources as an adolescent are pretty limited, I end up using strategies that are regressive. I look for and use symbols of adulthood (sex, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc.) to appear to have made the grade. I use tribal initiatory strategies (cutting, uniforms, jargon, etc.) to attain membership in what I hope is an organization that can validate my worth. And so forth.

 

Women’s rites of passage are, in theory, much easier than those marking a boy to a man. Girls have menarche to announce this passage. What girls typically don’t have is the celebration of welcoming what’s supposed to go with it. The girls who do, however, settle into adolescence with much greater ease than those who don’t.

 

Boys don’t really have the dramatic changes women have. Besides, they must ‘prove’ their manhood according to ancient (probably biological) programming. I think this programming has to do with death in a death/rebirth sort of way. My oldest son killed a caribou as his rite-of-passage. My second son, who is a vegetarian, learned to scuba dive. My youngest son sat inside a ten-foot circle in the woods, fasting and meditating for four days on why he was on planet Earth. Each of the boys went through their ‘ordeals’ to find a sense of adult purpose, and some sense of the paradox of life’s purpose and meaning.

 

In ancient cultures, though, adolescent rites-of-passage were literally tribal initiations. The weak did not survive the trials. In our culture, killing our kids for the tribe isn’t going to work.

 

Consequently, there needs to be a society-wide adjustment to finally deal with the ‘teen problem.’ We need culturally-sanctioned ways to welcome our youth into adult-land. We need apprenticeship programs to aid them in achieving journeyman adult status. Furthermore, we need a community of fully mature adults to not only welcome adolescents, but to provide mentoring and, finally, to confer adult status to these young men and women.

 

In short, we’ve got some work to do.

 

Bruce Bibee is a counselor in private practice. He is also the master-instructor of the Kung-Fu San Soo Center in Anchorage . You can reach him at: 562-1242.

Did you know that Alaska ranks second in the nation for death by suicide? According to the Alaska Suicide Prevention Plan, adolescents and young adults from the ages of 15 to 24 rank highest in the state for the number of suicides. 

 

Suicide acts are often impulsive, and the crisis which contributes to thoughts of suicide is often temporary. A 2001 study of near-lethal suicide attempts revealed that 71% of suicide attempters acted within one hour of the impulse to do so, while some attempts were made within five minutes of the thought. Most suicides are completed via the use of a firearm.

 

Nationally, one suicide affects at least six other people. In rural areas, suicide may leave a lasting impact on the whole community. Suicide is one of the most difficult of all sudden deaths to grieve because of survivor guilt, unanswered questions as to why someone chose to take his or her own life, and the complicated grief process. Yet, suicide is completely preventable. Awareness, education and community involvement are key factors in preventing death by suicide.

 

The following lists include warning signs of suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

Verbal Warning Signs

	I’m thinking of ending it all.
	I might as well shoot myself.
	I can’t go on.
	Life is not worth living.
	Nothing matters anymore.
	I wish I were dead.
	I can’t do anything right.
	No one can help me.
	What’s the use?
	I just can’t keep my thoughts straight anymore.
	If I killed myself, then people would be sorry.
	If I wasn’t around no one would miss me.
	All of my problems will end soon.
	I won’t be needing these things anymore.
	I’m going to be with (names someone who has died).
	Everyone would be better off without me.
	It’s not worth it anymore.

 

Behavioral Warning Signs

	Dropping out of usual activities.
	Withdrawing from friends and family.
	Acting recklessly.
	Involvement in unexplained “accidents.”
	Putting affairs in order.
	Giving away valued possessions.
	Increasing use of drugs or alcohol.
	Crying.
	Fighting.
	Getting into trouble in school or with the law.
	Behaving impulsively.
	Self-mutilation.
	Writing about death and suicide.
	Not taking care of physical needs and appearance.
	Sleeping or eating too much or too little.
	Sudden changes in mood, particularly after depression.

 

If you are worried about yourself, get help now. (See resources below.) If you’re worried about someone else, act immediately. Don’t be afraid to talk with those you care about. It’s okay to ask, “Are you thinking of suicide?” You won’t plant the idea of suicide in someone’s mind by asking.  And even though you may worry that a friend or family member could become angry with you for bringing up the topic or otherwise preventing the suicide, that person will still be alive. It’s especially important to get help if the person has made a prior suicide attempt, seems hopeless, or if you observe any of warning signs.  

What to Do

	Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
	Keep control of your own emotions. Showing shock or judgment may cause the person to worry about your feelings and shut down communication.
	Be willing to listen. Allow the person to express his or her feelings. Let the person know that you care.
	Be non-judgmental. Allow the person to trust you by not arguing about feelings or rights and wrongs.
	Refrain from lecturing.
	Never dare the person to do it.
	Let the person know that suicide is not a secret to keep; don’t be sworn to secrecy.
	Offer hope that alternatives are available, but do not offer false assurance that the pain will go away. Sometimes the pain or loss doesn’t go away; we just learn how to cope with it.
	Take action. Remove ways the person could hurt themselves, such as guns or stockpiled pills. Do not leave a suicidal person alone.
	Get help from people or agencies experienced with crisis intervention and suicide prevention. (See list below).

 

What Teens Can Do

	Don’t pretend to have all the answers; talk to an adult for help.
	Don’t keep suicide a secret.
	If you are worried about a friend, don’t be afraid of being wrong.
	Let the person who is hurting know why you’re asking them about suicide. Tell them you’re worried about them, that you care and want to help.
	Be honest.
	Remember that the emotional ups and downs of adolescence are temporary; suicide is permanent.
	It’s okay to get help and talk to a counselor, coach, teacher, pastor, or any adult you trust.

 

Resources:   24 Hour Confidential Hotlines Alaska ’s Careline: 1-877-266-4357 Anchorage Emergency Services: (907) 563-3200 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255   Suicide Prevention and Survivor Information   Mat-Su SOLOS (Survivors of Loved Ones’ Suicides): Support Group Meetings on the first and third Tuesdays of every month; 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. at Burchell High School in Wasilla.   Southcentral Suicide Prevention Advisory Council 7362 W. Parks Hwy #245 Wasilla , AK 99654-9132   Web Resources American Association of Suicidology www.suicidology.org   American Foundation for Suicide Prevention http://afsp.org/index-1.htm   Alaska Statewide Suicide Prevention Council http://www.hss.state.ak.us/suicideprevention/

  

Carmel Nelson is a licensed social worker and chemical dependency counselor. She is on the Board of Directors for the Southcentral Suicide Prevention Advisory Council. She also works as a Care Coordinator.

 

Kimberlee Vanderhoof is the program director for Careline Crisis Intervention, Alaska ’s statewide crisis hotline, which is staffed by Alaskans 24/7 and is accredited by the American Association of Suicidology.