Archives:

Stress

Take a Break: Ten Ways to De-stress

Stressed? Overwhelmed? Relax With Hypnosis!

Rest and Rejuvenate from Autumn’s Bounty

Creating Balance in Winter

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Shifting Negativity

 

Take a Break, Hug a Tree: Ten Ways to De-stress
by Marion Owen
 
How we choose to process any event
in our lives is entirely up to us.

The stress and tension that accompany the demands of work and family affect everyone today. Yet, some of us handle the pressure better than others do. There are many to stay cool when dealing with the struggles we face, and they range from a quick change of scenery to calmly dealing with life's challenges.

Here are ten ways to deflate stress, beginning with your attitude. Research on stress hardiness shows that how we feel about our work, our "raison d'être" plays an important role. Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., author of the bestseller, Minding the Body, Mending the Mind says, "When work is deeply meaningful, when we are committed and passionate about what we do, there is less stress."

bulletHug a tree

When things get tense, get close -- to nature, that is. Being around plants, trees and natural surroundings provides instant relaxation. A friend once said she takes "time outs" in the garden because she knows she can't stay upset for long. When surrounded by flowers and other growing things, her concerns melt away.

If you can't leave your work for a walk in the woods, then do the next best thing. Find a window facing a pleasant scene. Put a vase of flowers or potted plant at your desk. Hang a nice picture or poster on the wall.

bulletTake a walk

Even if it's only for 15 minutes, the change of pace will do wonders for your mind, body and spirit. Never underestimate the value of going for a stroll around the block or a walk in the park.

bulletStretch a little

Limbering up with yoga or simple stretches can relax tense muscles and keep headaches at bay. Rotate your shoulders, clasp your hands behind your back, gently twist your upper body back and forth -- these are all stress reducing motions that you can do in the kitchen or on an elevator.

bulletTake a shower or bath

There's nothing like a warm soak to ease life's tensions! Try a bubble bath or add some herbs that have been steeped in water for 15 to 20 minutes. Lemon balm, mint, and lavender are several popular herbs used for relaxation.

bulletListen to soft music

Get comfy in a chair, close your eyes, and let your favorite music help you unwind.

bulletTea for you, too

A cup of tea or hot chocolate is traditionally associated with quality time, relaxation and moments that deserve to be savored. If a nearby greenhouse or nursery serves refreshments, enjoy a cup of tea surrounded by friendly plants.

bulletTake a nap

Albert Einstein, when faced with life's most pressing questions, sought refuge in catnaps, especially in the afternoons. Upon wakening, he was often rewarded with just the bit of information he needed to solve a particular puzzle.

You don't need to actually fall asleep. Closing your eyes for 15 or 20 minutes of rest can be just the thing to help you recharge and get you through the rest of the day. Recognizing that an occasional nap translates to increased creativity, happier co-workers and fewer sick days, many corporations have set up nap rooms for their employees.

bulletAvoid the evening news

Don't end your day on a sour note. Since most news broadcasts focus on the negative side of life, it's a psychological no-no to make it the last input of the day. Watch an inspirational video, read an uplifting story or fall asleep to pleasant music. Anything's better than hard news to carry you to your dream state.

The same holds true for waking up in the morning. Starting your day off with reports of murders, war, and government officials gone bad is not part of getting up on the right side of the bed. Such wake-ups can put a damper on your mood all day, whether you're conscious of it or not.

bulletBreathe thoughtfully

During the day, try to become aware of your breathing. Is it shallow stress breathing or deep, energizing, relaxing breathing? When you pay attention to your breathing, it makes you aware of the present and what's on your mind.

Your lungs are pear-shaped, with the expanded areas at the lower end. A full, deep breath from your abdomen helps bring in more oxygen to replace the toxic, outgoing carbon dioxide. When you're stressed, the tendency is to take shallow breaths from your upper chest. You take in less oxygen, your body craves more and becomes more stressed. You breathe faster to make up for it, and it sets up a vicious circle. Stop. Pay attention. And breathe thoughtfully.

bulletAvoid sugar, caffeine and alcohol

Reacting to stress by reaching for unhealthy food or drink can become habit forming and, in the long run, only makes things worse. Replace the activity with any of the above alternatives. While you're at it, take a moment to think about your behavior and how you are acting.

Taking steps to avoid the negative effects of stress is an integral part of healthy living. It's also important to realize that it is not things that make us upset. The events themselves are meaningless. It's how we react that counts. How we choose to process any event in our lives is entirely up to us.

Bernie Siegel, author of Love, Medicine and Miracles, takes a good look at himself. "I have only one real problem: Me." He finds that he can refocus his thoughts by reminding himself that "everything in life is fragile, that we are mortal and are here for just a limited period of time." Concentrate on what we truly love, Siegel says, rather than be distracted by the details of everyday life.

Author Marion Owen of Kodiak, is co-author of a new book, "Chicken Soup for the Gardener's Soul."

 
 

Stressed? Overwhelmed? Relax With Hypnosis!
by Jodi K. Carlson
 

The only requirement is allowing oneself the time to relax and enjoy the journey."

I met my dear friend Brian nine years ago. He is a wonderful family man and a devoted employee of a Fortune 500 company. Like so many people in today’s fast-paced world, however, separating from the daily pressures was not easy when Brian went home to his family. As he was fighting a losing battle with hypertension, Brian had resorted to having a couple of drinks every evening when he came home to ‘take the edge off.’ He didn’t like resorting to alcohol, and often dozed off shortly after dinner, only to struggle falling asleep naturally when it was time to go to bed. Brian was anxious to find a better approach to relieving his daily stress that didn’t have a negative impact on his health and would allow him to enjoy evenings with his family. When Brian approached me to explore hypnosis as an alternative approach, I was thrilled to help.

 

Brian and I spent some time identifying his goals and discussing how hypnosis could help him achieve those goals. After a couple of sessions, Brian’s frame of mind had completely changed. Now, after a long day at work, Brian takes a fifteen minute ‘conversion break.’  This time is spent in his study, with the lights off and his favorite smooth jazz playing softly in the background. He changes into comfortable clothes and reclines in his big, soft, buttery leather chair. As the gentle music works to calm and soothe his nerves, he escapes into his mind as he drifts into his own personalized ‘safe place.’ 

 

Brian’s safe places are those he has created. He can go there anytime he chooses to escape the stress and anxiety that seem to be plentiful throughout the day. One of Brian’s preferred journeys is a lush fairway on a secluded golf course. He visualizes a rolling, dark-green fairway framed by majestic cedars guiding his path. Or perhaps a cool, lush green forest as he sits listening to a crystal clear stream trickle between the mossy rocks. He may choose to visit a warm, white sandy beach as he sits watching the waves gently roll to shore, or a beautiful ancient temple, filled only with peace and serenity. Wherever Brian chooses to visit, he knows unequivocally that he is safe and in total control of all elements of his environment. Here, Brian imagines himself as he truly wishes to be: a healthy, happy, strong, confident relaxed man, at peace within himself and with others.

 

If Brian has had a day that carries lingering stress, he uses a vehicle in his chosen environment to send the troubles away. In the forest, the worries are put on a small boat and sent down the stream; within the temple, a pure white dove carries away a scroll on which he noted the worries; and, as you might have guessed, on the fairway he puts all his worries into the ball and ‘lets it rip.’  He does these exercises knowing deep within that the issues will be handled in the most perfect way possible for him.

 

Brian is also free to experience these sacred places in any way he chooses—whether it’s dipping his toes in the stream or meditating in the temple. Regardless, Brian knows that he will clear his mind and body of the tension and stress that have accumulated throughout his day. In these places, he can feel restorative healing while experiencing and enjoying a peace-filled, relaxed state.

 

After Brian’s fifteen minutes are complete, he intuitively returns from his journey. He gradually returns to the present moment, reminding himself he is in his home feeling refreshed, renewed, and revitalized. He remains completely relaxed, now ready to join his family and take pleasure in an evening with his wife and children. Brian is now a member of a steadily growing group of individuals who have found hypnosis to be an effective, non-pharmaceutical alternative to manage stress.

 

Simply stated, hypnosis is a relaxed and deeply focused state of mind. Many people can be trained to enter this state of deep inner relaxation and intentional serenity easily and confidently in just a few sessions with the help of a trained hypnotherapist. Once an individual has training, he or she can easily and effortlessly induce a state of self-hypnosis. As Brian was relieved to discover, hypnosis can be used anytime and anywhere to provide him relief—without the restrictions or consequences that can be associated with drugs or alcohol. The only requirement is allowing oneself the time to relax and enjoy the journey.

 

When we quiet the body and the mind, a hypnotic state sets into motion a wonderful chain reaction in our bodies. These come in the form of physiological responses such as balancing hormonal changes and increased functioning in our immune system. Hypnosis minimizes the effects of stress on our bodies by thwarting our innate ‘fight or flight’ response, thus lowering heart rate and blood pressure, and relaxing pent up muscle tension. These positive changes also facilitate other helpful changes, such as a lowered production of the body’s stress producing hormones and a marked increase in T-cell production within the immune system.

 

There are a growing number of scientific studies that show hypnosis and other mind/body therapies (such as meditation, guided imagery, and biofeedback) as absolutely effective options for treating illnesses in which stress is a major factor. For example, one major study at Duke University demonstrated that practiced relaxation resulted in reduced hypertension and reduced blood sugar levels in diabetic participants. Another such study showed that the practice of hypnosis could increase the chance that an in-vitro fertilization procedure would be successful for patients. While hypnosis is not meant to replace traditional medical care, it can serve as a useful and beneficial complimentary healing modality. A healing journey that is self-initiated and customizable can truly be an easy and restorative experience.

 

Working with a hypnotherapist you trust, you are free to create individualized images to construct your own blessed space. This becomes your place to fulfill your personal dreams and desires. Brian is in a much better place, and I’m grateful that he chose to explore an alternative approach. Whether it is hypnosis or another holistic modality, I encourage all to explore.

 

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Jodi K. Carlson, Ph.D., CCHT, HC, has practiced hypnotherapy for 5 years. She holds numerous accreditations. See her website at www.healinglivesfromwithin.com or call (907) 232-1707 for more information. 

 
 

Rest and Rejuvenate from Autumn’s Bounty
by Jennifer Lush ND
 

The onset of autumn naturally provides a wonderful opportunity to slow down and harvest our labors of the preceding months."

 

As the spectacular Alaskan summer winds down, many individuals feel a sense of doom or gloom about the approaching cold and dark season. However, it’s worthwhile to consider how the natural progression of summer to fall can actually revive the body and spirit and to appreciate what this season can offer.

 

Autumn or fall is regarded as the third season of the year, from the autumnal equinox to the winter solstice, which is typically September 21 to December 21. Geoffrey Chaucer, the English poet, first used the word autumn circa 1374, derived from the Latin autumnus/auctumnus. The use of ‘fall’ to mean autumn in North American English comes from the phrase fall of the leaf, and it came into use by 1545 for this time of year when the leaves fall from the trees.

 

Harvest stems from an Old English word haerfest, which originally meant autumn, though later came to refer to the season for reaping and gathering grain and other grown products. The full moon nearest the autumnal equinox is called the Harvest Moon. Near the time of the autumnal equinox, the angle of the moon's orbit relative to the Earth's horizon is at its minimum, which causes the full moon to rise above the horizon much faster than usual. Because the harvest moon (like any full moon) must rise near the hour of sunset, harvest workers in the Northern Hemisphere may be aided by bright moonlight after sunset.

 

Alaska is a unique place to live, in part due to our intense summers full of light and long winters of dark days. As a result, many of us play very hard in June, July and August, participating in a variety of outdoor activities and not taking the time to rest and recuperate from one event to the next. The onset of autumn naturally provides a wonderful opportunity to slow down and harvest our labors of the preceding months. This may mean cooking up fish that have been caught during the summer, canning vegetables for the upcoming snowy months, or organizing photographs from the hiking and camping trips that occurred over the summer.

 

Autumn Foods

Nutritionally, autumn is an amazing time to nourish ourselves with the abundance of root vegetables: beets, carrots, onions, potatoes, rutabagas, turnips, and parsnips. We also have zucchinis, squashes, and pumpkins ripening for our consumption. Vegetables and their leaves are green due to pigments called chlorophylls. When chlorophylls are abundant in the plants’ cells during the growing season, the chlorophylls' green color dominates and masks the colors of any other pigments in the plants. Thus, the leaves and vegetables of summer are characteristically green.

 

But as autumn approaches, certain influences both inside and outside the plant cause the chlorophylls to be replaced at a slower rate than they are consumed. This effect slowly fades and the other pigments that have been present begin to show. These are called carotenoids and they give the plants colors of yellow, brown, and orange. The reds, the purples, and their blended combinations come from another group of pigments in the cells called anthocyanins. These pigments are not present in the plants and leaves throughout the growing season but develop in late summer in the sap of the plant cells due to complex interactions both inside and outside the plant.

 

The vibrant colors of beets, squashes, pumpkins and root vegetables represent their high levels of carotenoids and anthocyanins. Both of these compounds have extremely high levels of antioxidants.  For example, the antioxidant beta-carotene (a carotenoid) is found abundantly in sweet potatoes, carrots, squashes, and pumpkins. Some green leafy vegetables (including collard greens, spinach, and kale) are also rich in beta-carotene. Other antioxidants that we can consume in high amounts from our vegetables (as well fruits, grains, fish, nuts and seeds) include lutein, lycopene, selenium, vitamin A, vitamin C, and vitamin D.

 

One of the many ways in which antioxidants help our bodies is via cellular repair and prevention of damage due to free radicals. During endurance exercise (such as running, hiking, climbing, biking, and kayaking) oxygen utilization is increased from 10 to 20 times over the resting (non-exercise) state. This greatly increases the generation of free radicals, which can cause damage to the cells and increase the risk of diseases such as arthritis and cancer. Medical research has shown that increased intake of vitamin E protects against exercise-induced oxidative damage. Therefore, consuming the bounty of harvest vegetables after the heightened activities of the summer months will aid in rejuvenation and disease prevention. Antioxidants are also natural immune-boosting compounds. Consuming autumn vegetables provides us with the opportunity to boost our immune systems for use in the upcoming months during which we are inside more and exposed to increased amounts of viruses.

 

Natural Rest

Sleep is another activity which is often decreased during the long days of summer. Autumn is thus a perfect time to reset our internal clocks and rest more. During deep sleep, the secretion of growth hormone (which allows for normal growth and maturation) occurs in children and young adults. Some cells in the body have shown increased production and reduced breakdown of proteins (used as the building blocks for many functions in the body) during deep sleep. As these proteins are needed for cell growth and repair, we can see how deep sleep has restorative power. Also, activity in parts of the brain that are known to control emotions, decision-making processes, and social interactions is greatly reduced during deep sleep. This shows that deep sleep may help maintain optimal emotional and social functioning during the waking hours.

 

Sleep may also help the body conserve energy and other resources needed by the immune system to attack pathogens, such as viruses and bacteria.  Infections and fever often induce sleep because cytokines (chemicals produced by the immune system to fight infection) have sleep-inducing properties. There is increasing evidence that cytokines are expressed and perform functions in the normal brain. Researchers are just beginning to unravel the complex interrelationship between the immune system and the sleep function, but the possibilities are vast.

 

So, as you find yourselves coming indoors earlier during the autumn evenings, take time to appreciate the bounty of fall vegetables that you have to choose from. You are helping keep your immune system powerful against infections and diseases by eating a colorful array of these foods. Relax after dinner and know that the extra hour or two of sleep that you are now craving will help your body save energy and restore itself from the busy summer you’ve just experienced.

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Jennifer Lush is a Naturopathic physician who practices family medicine at Avante Medical Center. Please go to www.avantemedicalcenter.com or call 770-6700 for more information.

 


Creating Balance in Winter
by Patricia Cushman

How can we use the reflective energy of winter to benefit our health as we start the slow but sure progression to spring and summer?



As winter in Alaska plainly reveals, the days are short and the nights are long and cold. From a Chinese Medicine perspective, winter is the time when our Qi (energy) goes down and inward. We see similarities in the outside world as the bears have moved into their dens. Our deciduous trees and shrubs have lost their leaves, though most retain nutrients down in their roots.  In Chinese Medicine energetics, winter is a natural time for reflection.  

The ancient Chinese Medicine texts tell us that as we reflect on, remember and restore our connection to the earth, sky and each other, we restore our own health and balance. As you read this, we have made it past the Winter Solstice, and the suggestion of lengthening light is coming back to this part of the world. So, how can we use the reflective energetics of winter to benefit our health as we start the slow but sure progression to spring and summer?

Life is challenging and can be stressful for various reasons. Questions and reflections that may be beneficial to ask when steeped in stressful situations are: Can I find some ways to cope with my stress in a healthful way? Is there a way for me to find balance within even if there is confusion or stress in my life? For some, the answer may first involve slowing down just enough to become aware that you are overly stressed in the first place and that it may be altering your life in unhealthy ways.

The hormones released during an experience of stress are for self-preservation. They mobilize fuel for our bodies and help us to be alert, awake and responsive. These same hormones, however, don’t discriminate as to whether our stress is caused by an imminently life-threatening situation or not. They simply release themselves into our system in response to whatever causes the stress: for example, trying to get the kids to school on time; worrying about performance at work; rushing to or skipping lunch to get to a meeting; having arguments with a family member. If these hormones are released in excess and/or erratically, they can eventually contribute to health problems.

Unhealthy effects of stress can manifest or worsen chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, weight gain or weight loss, neck pain, back pain, various musculo-skeletal and neurological complaints, digestive problems, menstrual problems, depression, irritability, relationship problems and many other complaints.

The approach of Chinese and Natural Western medicine is to explore with the patient his or her current potential stress-impacted health complaints. In addition, the practitioner will take a thorough personal and family medical history. So also is a review of the body’s physiologic systems from both a Chinese and a Western perspective very helpful to patients. Social and environmental factors are reviewed and reflected upon as well. Treatments are then directed towards the underlying cause in order to help bring energy and vitality back to the system.

If you are experiencing any of the above mentioned complaints, check with your health care provider while taking an inventory of the following questions:  What is your diet? Are you eating regular meals? How much movement and exercise are you getting? How much time to yourself do you have for stillness and quiet? How much quality time with family members, friends and community do you have? When was the last time you had a good laugh? How much time do you spend outside experiencing the natural world?

Many health complaints that are caused or exacerbated by stress may also have many other physiologic and organic factors involved as well. Thus, it is important to have these symptoms evaluated by other examination methods—and this is where your health care provider can assist you.

By using the natural inward focusing time of winter, we can easily engage the opportunity to reflect on our lives in order to create more balance and greater overall health.

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Patricia Cushman ND, LAc is a general family practitioner. She practices Western natural medicine, Chinese medicine, and acupuncture at Total Health, Inc. Call 563-2929.

 


Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): 
What is it and how does it work?

by Sirpa Lahtinen-Gorman

When something traumatic happens in our lives, dramatic changes occur to our nervous system. Sometimes we are unable to fully process the traumatic event.

 

A couple of years ago I was frustrated with feeling that several of my clients were not benefiting from counseling. Each one came wanting to resolve a traumatic or negative event that had occurred in his or her life. The events varied in severity from assault, rape and abuse to a car accident without physical injuries. I had met with these clients over a period of several months and had provided traditional talk therapy. Still, each continued to report symptoms of anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks and negative self-concept.

I had heard about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) years before and learned that some therapists were getting great results with this treatment protocol. Although I was very skeptical, out of a desire to better help my clients I decided to learn more. Eventually, I completed two levels of training to become an EMDR provider.

Dr. Francine Shapiro developed EMDR as an information processing theory. She noted that when something traumatic happens in our lives, dramatic changes occur to our nervous system. Sometimes our information processing system becomes overloaded and we are unable to fully process the traumatic event. Thus, many of the sounds, images and physical sensations of that event become stored (though often forgotten) as memories. When this information is later accessed, the traumatized person often has the same disturbing physiological response as when the event first occurred. Further, these memories are often stored without appropriate connections in our memory network. When these memories are then recollected, a person can have strong reactions to the event. 

Some clients talk about feeling the traumatic event “happened only yesterday” even though the incident occurred many years ago. For example, I have worked with Vietnam Veterans who still today relive their experiences with a strong physiological response. Sometimes even minor events in childhood can be experienced as traumatic. In all these cases, an individual winds up incorrectly processing the information and so it continues to cause problems.

Interestingly, Dr. Shapiro discovered the EMDR protocol while walking in the woods. She noted that when she was moving her eyes back and forth while thinking about disturbing events in her life, the disturbing thought stopped without much effort. This formed the basis of how to correct the body’s information processing system when dealing with trauma.

EMDR consists of different phases of treatment. During the first phase a therapist assesses the client’s readiness for EMDR. This includes determining how stable the client is psychologically and the strength of his or her support system. If determination is positive, the therapist may teach the client coping skills to handle stress. This is called the Resource Development phase.

The Skills Building phase consists of teaching the client imagery, tapping and different self-soothing techniques. Before working on a key traumatic event, I run a “practice EMDR” session with clients on an event that is felt to be somewhat disturbing. (On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no disturbance and 10 being the highest level of disturbance, this event should be around 5.) If the client is able to complete the session and tolerate some distress, EMDR sessions will begin.

I have taught the basic EMDR skills to children as young as five years old. I do not move beyond the Resource Development phase as young children may have difficulty articulating their thoughts and understanding the EMDR process. Still, the Resource Development phase can be a powerful tool for children. Several parents have reported to me that their child was once again able to self-soothe. This is important as it is an ability which is often disturbed when traumatic events occur. After the age of ten, children are more able to process information and may be candidates for the last phases. However, some EMDR providers work with children even younger and have reported positive outcomes.

I worked with a seven-year-old girl several years ago. As the result of an assault, she began having nightmares and refused to sleep in her own room. Further, she became easily upset when left alone. I taught her some self-soothing skills with her parents in the session. When she went home and would get upset, her parents directed her to a chair and helped her calm down. In only a couple of weeks, she had mastered this skill and was able to regulate her emotions with great success.

During an EMDR session, a client focuses on both the past trauma and the present situation by using dual attention. This dual attention is achieved via an eye movement or auditory tone that is repeated multiple times. For example, a finger can be moved in front of a client, back and forth, while the client is focusing on negative cognitions that he or she associates with the traumatic event. (Some of these beliefs may be “I am not worthy” or “I am damaged.”) Another tool is an audio stimulus whereby a tone is repeatedly heard from the left and right ear at separate times. Tappers (devices that emit a slight vibrating sensation) may also be held on the client’s hands to offer tactile stimulation while the individual focuses on a negative cognition. After several repetitions of dual attention, clients often report the level of their distress to the original trauma is reduced.

During the Installation phase, the therapist assists the client in installing a positive belief. This replaces the negative belief that has dominated the client’s thoughts and behaviors in the past. This phase of EMDR is repeated several times as the client installs positive beliefs into present situations and future scenarios that he or she may need to face.

I have worked with several clients who say they feel less worthy as people because of the abuse they experienced. These clients have often endured years of depression, failed relationships, domestic violence and substance abuse. As a result of the installation phase of EMDR, these clients start believing in more positive statements about themselves—thus, often feeling differently about themselves and their past.

One female client in her early thirties had been in and out of counseling for years but still felt that she was not able to resolve past trauma. She had been physically and sexually abuse by a family member over many years. After a few sessions of EMDR, she began making major changes in her life. She acquired a more positive outlook and, as result, started taking actions to make her life more purposeful.

Research continues to document that EMDR is a valuable treatment protocol. In the past few years, the EMDR protocol has expanded to address working with children, reducing chronic pain, and in even reducing cravings for substance abusers. Additionally, I have used EMDR to address eating disorders with success.

EMDR is now recognized by American Psychiatric Association as an effective treatment modality for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. EMDRIA—the organization for EMDR providers—reports positive results in addressing panic attacks, performance anxiety and stress. With each passing year, this list continues to grow and EMDR continues to show more promise in treating issues that in the past resulted in only marginal improvements via other methods. (For more information contact www.emdria.org.)

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Sirpa Lahtinen-Gorman is a Licensed Professional Counselor. She is an EMDR provider and has a private practice in Eagle River, Alaska. Visit her on www.alaskatherapy.com or call at (907) 720-1878. 

 


Shifting Negativity
by Bruce Bibee

Negativity is a deep hole to climb out of and you can’t do it alone.

 

People are contagious to your mind. Hang out with negative people and your plastic brain will adapt to it. Even more disturbing, we may possess the inalienable right to pursue happiness, but brain research shows that we truly seek familiarity. What’s comfortable is consistency. So, if you grow up with negative people, negativity becomes the norm.  

When you’re around negative folks, your body secretes adrenaline, which makes you tense and anxious. The body also increases production of the hormone cortisol, which affects the hippocampus and messes with your ability to remember. The downward spiral begins. Negativity breeding negativity—stress producing more stress.

As this pattern matures, you end up with a peer group that does not believe in you or your abilities. They put you down on a constant basis, scoff at your goals, and treat you as if you’ll never amount to anything. Under this constant barrage of negativity, you eventually come to believe there is something fundamentally flawed in you. You must be damaged goods, and there is probably no hope for a cure.

Instead of leaving this peer group (the obvious solution), you cling to it like a drowning man to a life raft. Why?

Well, we do what we know how to do. As the old saying goes, “If all I have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail.”

In other words, choice is bound up in the tools you have. The tools you have create your reality. For example, if your choice is between loneliness and an abusive relationship, what would you choose? Add to this ‘choice’ some abandonment issues, and there’s no real choice at all. Then, of course, once you’ve gone back to the abuser, you’ll beat yourself up for being weak, stupid, a loser, and completely hopeless—never realizing how artificial the ‘choice’ was in the first place.

Peer groups, to go theoretical for a moment, are crucial for teen development. The adult ego emerges from the fertile ground of peer affiliations. The problem arises, just as the solution, from group dynamics. A group is a ‘horizontal’ structure in need of a ‘vertical’ motive. In other words, it’s a crowd in search of a goal or destination. The bigger the group, the simpler the organizing principle must be. The smaller the group, the more complex its goals can be. So you may start with a detailed plan to change the world, but as you add folks to your movement, you slowly end up with an agenda that will fit on a bumper sticker. At that point, it’s too easy to go negative and just be against everything.

Negativity, in this sense, becomes the last ditch stand for an idealist. It’s a deep hole to climb out of and you can’t do it alone. Well, you have to do some of it alone, but those actions won’t be in a vacuum.

Probably the most straight-forward way of escaping the effects of negativity is to start breathing from your belly. That’s right. Make your belly go out when you breathe in, and back in when you breathe out. Train yourself to breathe this way and it’s a signal to your body to release anti-stress hormones into your system.

Then take up a practice of prayer and meditation to help your brain rewire itself and cancel its adjustment to negativity. Remember, however, that meditation aimed at balancing brain chemistry will only work if you also deal with the underlying issues. (It’s like creating a plan to leave the abusive relationship once and for all.) Long-term prayer and meditation is how you reboot the brain back to ‘normal’ functioning. Along the way, psychotherapy, group participation in 12-Step programs, and other healing projects may also be necessary. 

Finally, fill your social agenda with people who love and support you. This is a final step and should be recognized as such. It’s also a continuing process, for you will be upgrading and evolving your social network as you grow.

Since we are hard-wired as social animals, it’s one of our key responsibilities to provide ourselves with a social environment that nurtures our growth rather than defaulting to a toxic one.

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Bruce Bibee is a licensed professional counselor in private practice and a Kung-fu instructor. His one published book is The Deep Healing Process, Infinity Publishing.