I've been exploring many things these past few months with pregnant women. As I sat in my living room listening to Ramona worry over her change in identity and whether she'll be able to "do it" all -- school, job, being a mother -- and Crystal wonder whether she'll get to the hospital too early and if she'll be "heard" once she gets there, I realized that there's much more here than what we are seeing and hearing on the surface.

I believe that what's underneath all the worrying and wondering is facing the unknown. It reminds me of a story about the Holy Grail. In this tale, the hero inevitably comes to a ledge, from where he can see the Grail in the distance. However, there doesn't appear to be any way to cross. He knows he can't jump across, and he knows he's come to far to go back. Then he looks down into the chasm, miles below. Thankfully, he remembers an ancient Grail teaching that encourages one to step out in faith. As he puts a foot out, a bridge suddenly appears and he is saved.

The following week at our gathering, I told the new moms that we would be learning about trust. With soft scarves over their faces and nervous partners to guide them, the moms were prepared to embark on a Trust Walk.

I prepared the partners first. The instructions were to guide their charges around my backyard (avoiding any overlooked dog poop!), and to remind the mothers to breathe and feel the earth. Further, each new mom was encouraged to reach inside and find her own inner trust. With this said, the mothers donned their scarves and, giggling, set out.

For fifteen minutes most everyone walked and talked and laughed. The atmosphere was relaxed and strained at the same time. It was as if these new mothers were trying to get out of this ceremony as much as they could. Telling them all to stop, I instructed the partners to let go and step away. I asked the mothers to summon up their faith and trust. I reminded them to find their breath. Then I asked them to let go and walk.

When we returned to the house, everyone was anxious to talk about the role trust plays in the process of birth. It's more than just simply trusting our bodies to give birth. Rather, we talked about the journey of becoming a mother, and how we all are tested sometime during that journey.

Tests of trust are innate to any path that faces the unknown. How do we remain connected to our hearts? How do we continue to follow our own authentic path and be true to ourselves?

In birth, as in so many of the important events in our lives, we are faced with forces that challenge us. Taking the leap transforms us.

Lesley Nelson is a childbirth teacher, initiator and certified doula who has been learning from pregnant and birthing women for over five years. For more information, call 277-5051 or e-mail her at lesley@doula.net