The holidays have come to a close and many gifts have been exchanged. As we begin the New Year, consider that the most valuable gift of all is the gift of love and make a resolution to renew that gift every day for the rest of your life. Sadly, many couples think that the love they felt on their wedding day would carry them through life regardless of what they did. In fact, we can only feel love for a partner who is meeting our most important emotional needs. This is the gift of caring, one of four gifts that will ensure lasting love.

Emotional needs are so important in relationships that we are capable of falling in love with anyone who can meet them. When you let more than one person meet your primary emotional needs, you are in danger of falling in love with more than one person. Obviously, if your partner promises not to let anyone else meet those emotional needs and then you fail to meet them, he or she will be in a frustrating and unhappy situation. If you have chosen to be in an exclusive relationship, you have a responsibility.

Of the ten most commonly recognized emotional needs, men lean toward sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, physical attractiveness, domestic support and admiration. Men can very easily fall in love with a partner who can meet these needs. Women are likely to need different things, such as affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support and family commitment. We may recognize that all ten are important to us in some way, but each of us have one or two needs that are powerful enough, when met, to create the feeling of romantic love. The gift of caring is our decision to meet our partner's primary emotional needs every day of our lives together.

There is no way around this requirement for lasting love. We can only find out what our partner needs emotionally by asking. There is no way around this either. You will fail miserably if you assume that your partner's needs are the same as yours. It is a lot like giving a present that you really wanted for yourself to someone else. It frequently creates disappointment. You may think that your partner feels cared for because you asked her to go skiing with you (your need for recreational companionship), and then become hurt that she is angry because you haven't spent any time talking with her (her need for conversation). It gets more complicated if she shows you affection (her need) and it gets you in the mood for sex, which she didn't have in mind at all. Your partner is the only expert on his/her most powerful emotional needs, so you must ask in order to have your gift be on target.

If you want to be successful at something, you'll require feedback. How will you know if you are achieving your caring goal? Once again, you have to ask. Get feedback about the quality of your effort and whether or not the quantity is right. Often a small amount of "on target" effort goes a long way. Your caring has quality if you are making it enjoyable. Try to choose something that will bring pleasure to both of you. Brainstorm until you find an activity that fits you both to some degree. It won't work if one of you is miserable and making a great sacrifice. Couples bond deeply when they are the source of each other's pleasure. This is especially important with sexual needs, an area where too much sacrifice gets us into relationship trouble later on.

You will find more information and ideas about creating lasting love in The Four Gifts of Love by Willard F. Harley, Jr. It was written for couples preparing for marriage, but is good reading for any couple determined to keep love alive in a long relationship. The gift of caring in which we successfully meet our partner's emotional needs is perhaps the most important. The other gifts are protection, honesty and time.

The gift of protection is a promise to avoid being the cause of unhappiness for your partner. Unhappiness is caused by "love busters" such as disrespect, anger, selfishness and annoying behavior.

The gift of honesty requires that we share information with our partner of a personal nature. Important information includes our thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities, and plans for the future. It means we can't lie to avoid trouble.

The gift of time is a difficult challenge for couples today. Harley suggests that we give our partner a minimum of fifteen hours each week with a large portion of that time spent privately giving undivided attention to emotional needs.

As you begin the New Year, resolve to protect your love with the gift of caring. Discover your partner's most important emotional needs and attend to them every day. The rewards are immeasurable.