Sitting in my booth at the Whole Life Expo in Cleveland, I looked up and saw a beautiful, trim-figured, tall, dark-headed woman walking by. Realizing she was someone I had wanted to meet in person, I ran after her. I had read articles about her and had recommended her book, A Course in Love, to many clients as the ultimate guide for unconditional love and how to find a soulmate.

Joan Gattuso, minister of Unity of Greater Cleveland, and I chatted and embraced. She autographed my well-used copy of her book, saying mine looked more used than hers. She thanked me for promoting her story and I thanked her for sharing her love relationship experiences in print.

My first knowledge of Joan came when I read an article several years before recounting her abusive marriage. She believed that if she gave her husband enough love, he would stop using sharp words and actions, and they would have a healed relationship. Her situation did not change, however, and she made plans to leave him. They had had some fearful, insane scenes, but none like the night when he found the small amount of money she had been saving. As he was choking her, she kept praying, "Only love is real… only perfect love exists." A calm came over her, and he released his hold. The next day she moved out.

Healing her "heart wounds" was the next step for Joan. This is not an easy thing to do and it takes time. At some point in her healing process, Joan realized that forgiveness was the only way. Thus, she started a daily ritual. Using a legal pad, she would write, "I forgive myself, I forgive everybody, I'm free, I'm free." Then she would write her husband's name and "I forgive him for…" A list of all the things he had done to her filled three pages. She then lit a match to the pages and threw them in the fireplace. She repeated this ritual for some time, until one day she realized she no longer needed to do it. She had totally forgiven him, and herself.

Several years later, after extensive, introspective work on herself, Joan found her holy relationship with her soulmate, and has been in her marriage without conflict for many years now. Her book, A Course in Love details what we can do to have the perfect divine love. It is possible!

No one can make us happy. The notion that someone can make us happy is possibly the greatest deterrent to a happy relationship. We are looking for someone else to make us happy. In reality, we make ourselves happy! We fulfill our own needs! Two unhappy, unhealed, miserable people coming together and looking for someone else to love them and fulfill their needs equals more unhappiness.

There are many relationships that Joan Gattuso calls "special" relationships. The key characteristic of special relationships involves a desire to change the other person. "If only he/she were…" gives the other person the message that he/she is not good enough. True unconditional love is acceptance, but in most relationships this is rarely evident. "You're too fat, too skinny, too sloppy, too nick-picky," and on and on misses the point; it is not an acceptance of what makes an individual unique.

In special relationships, the outward body is more important than the inner essence. True love will recognize that we are spiritual beings in a physical body. Special relationships are threatened by almost anything, no matter how insignificant, and they usually involve fear and sacrifice and need -- none of which entail love.

It is not uncommon for individuals to go from one special relationship to another. To stop that unhappy cycle, we have to realize that the problem lies not in the outer relationship, but with our relationship with self. To start the healing process, we have to realize that we are not breaking this love cycle alone. Our Higher Power is always present to give us strength and support. Finally, we must totally release everything from the past that has caused hurt: people, attitudes, emotions, thoughts, memories, and memorabilia. I often suggest a good bonfire of everything connected with the past relationship. Healing the past with love and forgiveness makes us free to create a future different from the past.

Divine perfect love is possible. Joan Gattuso knew that a holy relationship with her soulmate was "somewhere out there," as the song says; but she knew she had to work on herself. She stopped dating and began a program of self-growth, which included meditation, attending workshops, visualization, affirmations, and belief. She knew she must become what she wanted to attract. She realized that she knew no one who was perfect, but she knew there was someone who was perfect for her, just as she was perfect for him. There would be an immediate "knowing."

Joan spent a long time making a list of all the qualities in a man that were important to her. She affirmed that she and her divine perfect mate were now together. They were together in spirit, but not at that time together physically. She kept the list with her and read it daily, never wavering in her faith that they would be together. She was healed, happy, whole and complete, and knew she would soon have a partner with whom to celebrate true love. She would not settle for anyone. She would wait for her soulmate.

Soulmates come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities, races, age brackets, and backgrounds. As Gattuso notes, "What they have in common is that their living comes from the heart. They have made enough of the journey from head to heart to be able to recognize each other when they meet. Their eyes are open. They are ready, and now are living in love." Soulmate meetings often happen in what seem to be strange conditions, yet when their eyes meet, there is that instant knowing. Sometimes others intervene to help soulmates get together.

I suppose it would be unfair to let this article end without my telling you how Joan and her soulmate met. Joan decided she needed to drop some weight and went to a weight control center. The counselor recognized her and, while measuring and weighing her, told her about a man in Chicago that she felt was perfect for her. The counselor made a phone call to the man, who called Joan. After ten days of phone calling, he flew to Cleveland. They met at Gate 42, and have been together ever since. He met all forty-three points on her divine perfect mate list.

A soulmate meeting happened to Joan. It is happening now to many who are healed and ready for a complete loving relationship. It can also happen to you! Glenn Key is a metaphysical counselor in Anchorage. For readings, workshops, or more information, call (907) 729-0346 or 440-4787, or toll-free (877) 729-0342. Write glennkey@alaska.net or visit www.glennkey.com.