My daughter is beautiful. She is double take, stop and stare, launch a thousand ships beautiful. When she smiles and tilts her head in a certain way, she takes your breath away. She has almost always been this way. We didn't expect her to be so pretty when she was born. Her face looked like she had been in a fight and her nose took a couple of days to pop out. Within a few months, though, it was clear that Deena was going to be quite good looking.

By the time Deena was a toddler, people would constantly come up to us and tell us how pretty she was and touch her hair. I would tell my daughter how smart she was because everyone else always focused on her eyes, her skin, her hair. People were always drawn to her.

Deena was - and still is - attracted to pretty, shiny, soft things. This includes animal print fabrics, lacy nightgowns, and lipstick. Before she could even crawl, Deena rolled herself up to a jewelry kiosk in a mall and banged her head in frustration against the glass. When she was two, she would spend hours putting on and taking off her clothes, trying different outfits. She would scream with excitement at shoe stores. The Barbie aisle was her favorite place in the toy store. At another store, she once saw a dress that she liked; when I turned around, she was naked in the cart, holding her arms up, begging me to slip the dress over her head.

Almost everyone thought Deena looked cute in her little fake leopard coat and sparkling lip-gloss. As such, Deena has convinced me that we all come here with the basics of our personality already formed and with our own agenda to accomplish.

When Deena was three, dancing through the house and playing, a woman friend who was visiting said to me with a puzzled expression on her face, "She is very sexy." My friend feared that she had offended me, but I wasn't bothered by her comment. I had already noticed this about Deena. There was a sexuality about her that was very innocent and unselfconscious. As for boys, she loved them. My friends would tease me about her being boy crazy. She has always wanted a boyfriend and to be married.

Deena is now 10 years old. She started her cycle over six months ago and is very developed physically. She is tall, strong, healthy, and looks years older than she is. Deena loves makeup and pretty clothes. I feel I have to set reasonable boundaries regarding clothes and makeup. I try to teach her the difference between looking sexy and looking like a prostitute. I explain to Deena that she doesn't want to attract negative attention to herself, for not everyone has good intentions when they look at her. I am trying to teach her to avoid polluting herself with the dark thoughts of others. But Deena has no shame about the exciting changes and feelings she is experiencing. She is enjoying this very special time in her life. She is alive with anticipation.

Do I feel entirely comfortable with Deena's choices? No. I'm the kind of person who buys two pairs of jeans at a time, wearing them out before I buy another two new pairs. I wear very little makeup and never apply it to be noticed. Animal prints make me look like I am playing dress-up with my mommy's clothes. I'm very steady when it comes to love and sex; my marriage is strong and happy. I don't have the extreme highs and lows that Deena does when it comes to passion.

Should I parent Deena based on my personality or hers? It is a question I have thought about often. Do I allow Deena to enjoy herself in a safe and supervised environment? Do I respect her spirit and allow her to develop in the way she intends to? YES! I believe that it takes many personality types to balance this planet. To try to change Deena would mean that I feel there is something wrong with her. To act in that way, I would damage her spirit.

I suggest that Deena's choices are not bad or less spiritual than others. I think our reaction to young girls experimenting with their power to attract boys is what makes us all feel uncomfortable. I think that all the shaming and judgment that we are taught as we grow up makes it hard for us to accept it when our children show us that they too are sexual beings.

I do teach Deena abstinence from sex, at least for now. I think she is too young. I don't believe sex is bad, but I do believe that when you allow another person into your body you are also allowing their intent and belief systems to wash over you. Unfortunately, not many people have healthy attitudes about their sexuality. I want Deena to be more mature and balanced before she opens herself to others.

Does it upset me when boys and grown men react to Deena's physical body? Do I feel angry with them for staring at her? No. They don't know how old she is. In most cases, the reaction is simple attraction. I am careful, however, to never leave Deena unattended or vulnerable to predators.

I am raising Deena to be proud of herself and her sexuality. I want her to feel good about herself without the shame and guilt our society teaches us to feel. I am teaching her that the abhorrent sexual behavior she sees on television and in the movies isnšt really what men and women want from each other.

What does bother me is the negative reactions of other women to my daughters' maturing body. There is a lot of information these days about the decline of self-esteem as girls reach puberty. There are many factors involved, of course, but I'm suggesting that one of the most damaging effects on girls is the jealousy, judgment, resentment, suspicion, and shame that are placed on them by women. I know this from experience.

It's hard to help Deena keep a positive, healthy attitude. I have explained to her why the same women who used to tell her how pretty she is are now so threatened by her. I have tried not to hurt Deena's feelings as I tell her that these women are sometimes afraid that their own daughters will "grow up too soon" by being friends with her.

There was a television commercial in the 1980s in which a famous actress said, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." I never understood why I should have sympathy for beautiful women. I always thought they had it made. Now, I understand.

Fortunately for Deena, I am able to home school her and cushion some of the blows. I have the opportunity to teach her some tools for living a healthy, happy life. If as a society we could move away from using fear, punishment and shame to control our kids, it's possible that we would see less perverse and violent behavior. If we could be more accepting of our own differences, our kids would have healthy self-images.

So, the next time you see a young girl wearing makeup and flirty clothes, I hope you can see it for the game that it is. I hope that you can remember how wonderful it felt to be young. I hope you forget your judgment and enjoy watching what should be a wonderfully special time in every girl's life.