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Kid Humor |
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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?" A little girl
was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically
impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was
a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated
that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated
that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
On the first
day of school, about midmorning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If
anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A three-year-old
put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was
on the right foot. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?" she asked. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken, "the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal.” One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him." Little Kyle and his family were having dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Kyle received his plate, he started eating right away. "Kyle, wait until we say our prayer," said his mother. "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house," Kyle explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook." |
