Society conditions us to believe that
parents have certain responsibilities to their children. We are
expected to take care of them physically, of course, and to love and
nurture them. It is also our job to stimulate our children mentally
and educate them. But in the spiritual arena the whole thing gets
mucky. Do parents have a duty to nurture their children’s natural
spirituality? Statistics show that families who have a strong
spiritual foundation and/or participate in a religion or spiritual
system overall produce happier, healthier children with more
meaningful lives.
We all want our children to excel. The way we measure their progress
is to see how well they are doing in the material world. If they are
studying, learning, producing, pleasing everyone, and prospering,
then they are excelling. We look like great parents because our kids
are so socially acceptable. But sooner or later, each child will
begin to search for something, wanting to create ‘meaning’ in his or
her life. The search for meaning is a spiritual quest designed to
deepen our lives and emotions. It goes hand in hand with wanting to
know our place in life and what life is all about. It is part of our
pursuit of happiness
Developing as a Human Being
For humans, spirituality has always been a strong pillar of life.
Since the day of the caveman, we have worshipped and tried to please
(often through sacrifices) any power that we think is bigger than we
are — the sun, the moon, the storm clouds. As we graduated in our
evolution, we moved from the worship of nature (or supernatural gods
or powers) to the worship and understanding of God as the creator
and controller of all forces. As our minds developed, so did our
concept and understanding of the deity. We have a built-in longing
for deeper meaning, for connection, to know the power that makes
this whole movie happen. We want to connect and need to connect with
that which is greater than we are. This something greater can get
covered up with our own projections of materiality and false ideas
and pleasures (like addiction), but our urge to connect never goes
away.
Then there is the whole question of good and bad. Many people think
of walking a spiritual path as avoiding the temptation of the ‘bad’
and encouraging the ‘good’ in the form of ethics, morals and values.
All religions place emphasis on good behavior. Some are very strict
in their interpretation. The reality of life is that you get back
what you give out. If you are practicing “being good” (i.e.,
striving to love and be loving) even when it is difficult, or if you
are being grateful, being honest, caring for the planet we live on,
etc., you are demonstrating your spirituality. All of the behaviors
you are practicing will eventually be reflected through your
children. Thus you are fostering their spirituality through example.
All people experience some sort of spiritual event in their life,
even if they don’t have an active spiritual life. Life is basically
mundane. We can get caught up in endless materiality, thinking that
things and certain people are the keys to happiness. We can run the
rat race and then wonder why we are doing it. Without the spiritual
link, however, all material things become meaningless and guilt over
bad behavior can begin to run us. Forgiveness can be a powerful
eradicator of guilt. Developing the spiritual link early in life
helps us weather all the storms and challenges of our life.
What Can Parents Do?
The materialism of our culture often makes it difficult to maintain
our connection to the natural universe. We see this happening as
children get older and their time becomes full of school, friends,
lessons, television and video games. But when parents actively
expose children to nature in their early years, there can be a
profound effect on their spiritual development. They not only
experience the awe, beauty and magnificence of nature, but they
learn that all life is connected. When children trust that all life
is connected, they respect and appreciate themselves and the people
around them. Kindness, empathy, compassion, and love grow from
appreciation and respect. A camping trip can be a spiritual
experience for a child.
Regular rituals are also important to children. You can maintain
spiritual rituals in your home even if you do not embrace a formal
religion. These rituals will be the meaningful expressions of your
own spirituality that encourage your child’s expressions. Ritual can
help us to sense holiness, or the possibility of holiness, in the
familiar. They can be as simple as lighting candles or blessing food
at dinner. These family rituals and celebrations turn the ordinary
into the extraordinary. Mindfulness, a spiritual practice to develop
greater consciousness, is being aware of what is happening at the
moment. Rituals bring us totally into the moment. This can be as
simple as asking your children every day what they are thankful for.
In this way they develop a thankful heart.
Listening to your children as fully as possible is also very
important. When children can freely share their deepest feelings and
still feel accepted, self-esteem and connection grow. When we feel
important, we matter. Recognizing the uniqueness of your children
and fostering that uniqueness, in spite of society’s negative
conditioning, allows your children to grow into who they were meant
to be — not necessarily who you think they should be. One of the
best things a parent can do for a child is to drop expectations. Let
your children walk their own path. Young children may try to
communicate, but if they are not heard and honored, they will soon
begin to guard these feelings against the laughter of the world. By
the age of 10 most children know it is taboo to refer to spiritual
or emotional subjects in public because of the ridicule they may be
subjected to.
By sharing with your children they learn to feel safe and be open.
If you have a child that does not respond to “let’s sit and talk
now” situations, try an “art time” to draw pictures or do crafts
while sitting together and talking. There are many good books you
can read to your children during sharing time to help nurture
spirituality. Imagination is a vital tool for inner development.
Affirm your child’s imagination and sense of wonder. Many young
children don’t know the difference from what they imagine and what
is real. So praise and give importance to your children’s fantasy
and imaginative play.
You can help nurture your children’s spirituality by listening to
them, exposing them to nature and good spiritual books, valuing and
helping them expand their imagination, and encouraging their dreams.
This is a profound gift you can give them that will last their
entire lives. In fact, this could be the most precious legacy you
leave your children — that and the example you provide with your own
developing spirituality.
Jackie Kosednar is a
hypnotherapist, energy medicine practitioner, human design analyst,
and the publisher of Alaska Wellness Magazine. She also
teaches workshops on Human Design. Contact: 272-2469 or
jackie@alaskawellness.com
