As a well-known bumper sticker notes, "Life happens." The question is not if but how are you going to deal with life happening? Transitions are those periods when life happens in a major way, when you find yourself in the midst of profound change. They involve a major reshaping of your day-to-day roles, a redefining of your identity and, most likely, a shift in how others perceive you. Whether or not you initiate a major life change (such as getting married or changing careers), there's no escaping them.

But why are these periods so challenging? Two reasons: loss and fear.

Every transition begins with several losses: loss of familiar roles, people, places and your own sense of where you fit in the world. Loss is about feeling powerless; it's about aching for the return of the nonreturnable. As psychologist and author William Bridges notes, it's as though having launched ourselves from the riverbank we look up, midstream, to find we have lost sight of the shore to which we were swimming.

You may feel fearful or dragged down by a constant sense of formless anxiety. Given that your future may represent a string of unknowns, this reaction is normal. Our culture hates not knowing things. In addition, you are traveling in foreign territory. You will be called upon to learn new ways. Learning new skills is scary- but only at first. Then comes the exhilaration of having mastered the challenge. So, hang in there!

Life transitions provide a rich time for inner work. They allow for self-exploration, an opportunity to conquer nameless fears and to make friends with uncertainty. To deny yourself this time is to deny yourself the gifts of the transitional process -- to discover how you truly want to live.

Six things to remember along the journey:

• Say hello to goodbye
  Every beginning starts with an ending. Letting go of the old is the first step to embracing the new. This means examining how you work with endings. Do you avoid them, prolong them or minimize them? Or have you learned that you can't embrace today while clutching the debris of yesterday?
  
  
• If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
  Whether this major life change is of your choosing or not, it helps to keep at least one thing consistent in your routine - be it your morning ritual of tea, reading the newspaper or a daily workout.
  
  
• You don't get to know everything
  You are likely to spend much time simply not having a clue: accept this! We are raised to fear ambiguity and lack of clarity. But it's okay to be confused and fearful. Just ask yourself what your best guess would be if you did know. Do that. Then you'll know.
  
  
• One small step
  It's natural to feel that your life has deteriorated into a huge unmanageable mess. It hasn't. Identify one small thing you can take control over right now. Then break that down to tiny, concrete baby steps. Write them down and post the note on your refrigerator or share your goals with a friend. Whatever it takes, just make the first move. It's a cinch after that.
  
  
• Surround yourself with cheerleaders.
  Seek out those who have your best interests at heart, those individuals who make you laugh, encourage you and accept you. Don't know those kinds of people? Start with a significant and loving relationship with yourself. You'll be amazed at the people you attract -- it's better than a Dale Carnegie course!
  
  
• What do you want, anyway?
  Take this opportunity to ponder what your ideal life would look like. What hopes and dreams have you left along the wayside? Write about them in a journal or talk about them -- get explicit about the details. After all this effort, why would you shortchange yourself with anything less than a passionate, fulfilled life?

The transitional process ends with a new beginning. You emerge from the fog having a deeper appreciation for your strengths and confident that you have used this experience to your best ability. Applaud yourself for your willingness to keep going, to trust your own wisdom, and to stay true to your values. Enjoy your newly found wisdom, self-knowledge and personal power! Valerie is a licensed psychotherapist and owner of Transitions Counseling. She is a Certified Interactive Guided ImagerySM Practitioner specializing in successful major life changes, including chronic illness. She can be contacted at 907-249-3290.