The guilt, the wishes, the emphatic
“there’s too much to do!”… Are these the feelings that come up
whenever you grace yourself with a moment of time just for you? As
parents, many of us are guilty of putting our children first,
ourselves last. Yet reflect on what flight attendants tell us as we
prepare for an airplane flight: “Please place the oxygen mask over
your face first; then assist your child.” Why is that? Simply put,
taking care of ourselves first allows us to be and do our best for
our children.
A few years back, my intern encouraged me to try taking short, daily
naps. He claimed America is one of the few countries that doesn’t
honor a midday break. So on doctor’s orders, I began to curl up with
a good book, read for a short while, and snooze for 20 minutes.
Funny how I’d jump up the minute a family member came home—I
couldn’t let them catch me being lazy! Funny how my husband, if he
woke me with a phone call during the day, would jokingly accuse me
of laying on the couch eating bon bons. Not so funny, however, was
the guilt I felt for not tackling the never-ending list of chores—my
responsibility as a stay-at-home mom. And then there was the guilt
of being the non-wage earner by choice—and having time to take a
nap.
The interesting thing was I soon found myself feeling far more
patient and pleasant come evening. The aching tiredness was gone.
Family times filled with good humor and enjoyable company—escalation
of grumpy behaviors subsided. I found I could stay awake as I read
with my children at their bedtime, something that truly felt
wonderful to me—and to them. I had more energy to accomplish chores,
and found I ended up with extra time to work on my photo albums. And
my husband and I actually carried on coherent conversations after
the kids went to bed.
What happened here? How could I end up with more time to do things
by taking time out for me? As we say at the Parent Coaching
Institute, therein lies the paradox of self-care.
What does self-care mean to you? How do you re-fuel yourself so you
can parent well? What do you notice about your day when you’ve had
time just for you? These are questions to mull over as you think
about how taking care of yourself is a gift you also give to your
children.
When things feel overwhelming, developing a 5-minute self-care list
can be the kick-start needed for taking time for yourself. What can
you do for a few minutes today, just for yourself? Your 5-minute
ideas might include: lingering in the shower, sipping tea on the
back deck, taking a brisk walk down the street or around the yard,
reading, journaling, starting a crossword puzzle, or chatting with a
friend. What we choose to give our attention to will grow. What
better way to create a solid foundation for parenting well than to
grace our children and families with well-fueled parents? What will
you do today, just for you, so you can be and do your best for your
children?
Alice Hanscam is a PCI
Certified Parent Coach® and owner of Denali Parent Coaching. Please
contact her via
www.denaliparentcoaching.com or 907-868-6933 for more
information.
