There is something in the eyes of an authentic person. It's a sparkle,
direct eye contact, perhaps a glimpse of a beautiful soul.
Inauthenticity is also apparent. There is a negative vibe, an
uneasiness. You wonder - was that sarcasm? Was that a left-handed
compliment? You are left with doubt, discomfort, confusion and unease.
Words have a huge impact. I remember getting
into a childhood fight with my little sister. I do not remember why we
fought, but I do remember that my mother did not condone fighting, and
her punishment of choice was to have us kneel in a corner until we
apologized. While I took this direction very seriously, my sister did
not. Her knees did not hit the floor before she spouted off "I'm
sorry" and skipped off to play. Oh, I fumed over that! There was
not a fiber in my body that was sorry for fighting with her, and I was
certain she was no more sorry than I. I spent hours on my knees that
day. I knelt so long, in fact, that my mother finally gave in and let
me get up without apologizing. In a childish way, I had won. I had
been true to myself. I was not sorry, and I wasn't going to say I was.
Now that I see these words on paper, I realize
that might not be a stellar example of authenticity, but it was
certainly a big lesson to me about the importance of sincerity. What
people say matters, and the false words of my sister are what I
remember most about that day.
Have you ever run into someone from your past
who tells you how much what you said meant to them? At my high school
reunion, one of my classmates quoted to me something I had said in
class my senior year. Thirty years later, she still remembered it, and
she had taken it to heart. It changed her life! At the time, I could
not have known that my words would have any impact on her. Yet, here
she was telling me they did. That is powerful.
Words are my craft, yet I have the hardest time
saying the right thing to my daughter. As I see it, she twists what I
say to give it the worst meaning. Being the wise old soul she is,
however, she can see with crystal clarity what I am really saying, and
she calls me on it. She is being authentic, not necessarily nice, but
authentic. And I am learning the hard way that I cannot hide behind
nice words. I have to be authentic, too.
It is not an easy task to be both kind and
authentic. Spoken words cannot be deleted. You cannot backspace over
what you've said and remove it from existence. Your words linger in
the hearts and minds of their recipients, and words spoken with
kindness, consideration, and authenticity will have a positive
afterlife. In the end, people will not remember exactly what you said,
but they will remember how you made them feel.
Sue Todd is an Essential Feng
Shui practitioner in Anchorage. Go to www.suetoddessentialfengshui.com
to learn more about Essential Feng Shui or to book a speaking
engagement or private consultation.
