It is easy to become self-absorbed in our problems. The economy has
been bad, the job market lousy. Maybe you have problems at work or
home, or life is just not going the way you want. It is sometimes hard
to see how things might change. Thus, life can quickly spiral into
depression. Anxiety becomes overwhelming. Finding a way out seems
difficult, if not impossible. When focusing on your problems only
causes repetitive, unproductive thinking, however, it is time to make
a shift from internal focus to external. It is time to focus on the
positive people, places and events around you.
To begin, try putting your problems aside -
just for a little while. But how? Imagery is a great way of doing
this. For example, imagine a container that you can put your problems
into. You might imagine a large colorful container - any design you
want - with a big lid. Dump all your problems into the container and
then visualize putting the container away in a safe place you can
return to later.
Make a decision that you'll only work on issues
when you are at your best: rested, feeling balanced and in a good
place to make choices. Give yourself a permission to take a break from
worries. When you feel stronger, you will make better decisions -
decisions that you later will not regret. Schedule some time each day
for problem solving, but limit the time to about half an hour. This
will prevent your thinking processes from becoming unproductive.
Thought stopping also works. What's thought stopping? When you notice
you are having repetitious thoughts that pull you down, tell yourself
to stop. Then, redirect yourself. Find a distraction: call a friend,
go exercise, watch a movie. Pick any activity you enjoy.
Sarah was trying to decide if she should change
jobs. She had recently divorced and sold her home of ten years. Her
two children lived with her one week and the other week with their
father. Sarah felt overwhelmed and confused with so many recent
changes in her life. She then made the best decision she could at that
point: she decided not to make any major decisions in her life for a
time. She postponed the decision to change jobs until she felt more
stable. A few months later Sarah felt more confident and found a job
she liked. The decision to change jobs was now an easy one.
When you have too many worries, take the focus
off your worries. Start by noticing others around you. For example,
make it a point to remember the names of people you meet. Names are
important; they give us identity. Challenge your memory in group
settings: how many names can you remember after hearing them once?
Sarah felt lonely after moving into her new
home. Her neighbor, Anna, approached her the first day of the move.
Anna was welcoming, warm and thoughtful. She made a point to get to
know Sarah and discover what was important to her. Sarah felt
immediately more comfortable. What a difference it makes to take a few
minutes to notice others! Remember the birthdays of people you don't
even know well. Anniversaries are also important; make a note!
Sarah's daughter had a birthday the same date
that Sarah's friend had lost her elderly mother. Sarah had made a
point of remembering this. That year, she mailed a card to her friend
telling her how she was thinking about her at the first anniversary of
her friend's mother's death. Small things make a huge difference in
people's lives.
Show appreciation to others. Be generous with
compliments. When you notice people around you doing things well, make
a point of letting them know. How often do we notice others do a good
deed, but fail to compliment the person? Being encouraging and
positive may help others to change their attitudes.
Sarah made a point of being positive at work
and did not allow herself to get sucked into the negative atmosphere
some of her colleagues had created. She was observant and positive,
and quick to offer compliments. Even though she struggled with her own
personal issues, she found that being able to lift the spirits of
others was also good for her.
No matter how big your problems look today,
find time to recognize other people and learn about their lives.
Changing the focus from your problem - even just for a short time - to
helping others will indirectly help you as well. Most problems we
struggle with are not resolvable immediately. Taking time away from
unproductive worry may help you come up with a better perspective
later.
Now, remember that big colorful container you
dumped all your problems into? After you've had a break and some time
away, you can return. Start problem solving by taking one problem out
of the container at a time. You will feel refreshed after having had a
break and the answer to your problem will be easier.
There are multiple benefits to focusing on
others and showing appreciation. We all like to be acknowledged for
our accomplishments and contributions. Also, it feels good to be
appreciated by others. By being a positive influence on the lives of
others, you will also change your outlook on your life. By lifting the
spirits of others, you become a gift not only to them, but to
yourself!
Sirpa Gorman is a Licensed
Professional Counselor. You can contact her private practice in Eagle
River by www.alaskatherapy.com
or (907) 720-1878.
