Forgiveness is more than saying the words, "I forgive you." It can be a long and oftentimes painfully emotional ordeal, depending on how deep and old the wounds are that limit the act of forgiveness.

Some of the oldest wounds we carry around throughout our lives are the battle scars from our childhood. Some of these hurts are buried so deeply within our subconscious minds that we no longer remember them. Still, those early traumatic ordeals haunt us until we can come to terms with them. The way we act and react are indicators of what baggage we carry in our lives, our relationships, careers, physical and spiritual well-being, and most of all, our personal image of who we are or are not.

When a person has experienced any kind of abuse, it is not an easy task to "turn the other cheek," "let bygones be bygones," and "love everyone unconditionally." Nor is it any less difficult when one has lived with fear of failure caused by abusive, intolerant people; suffered needless ridicule, molestation of the body, mind and emotions or abandonment of our very being. As we grow and mature, we are often encouraged to get on with our lives and let the past go. However, old thoughts of pain and resentment leak out into our consciousness by familiar sounds, actions and re-actions, sights or similar occurrences that can trigger those memories that continue to haunt us. Try as we might, we swear we have forgiven the past. We look to others seeking approval and peace of mind, and we often find ourselves in old familiar patterns of abuse and unhealthy relationships. Why? Perhaps that is what was drilled into us and may be all we think we deserve or can attract into our lives.

We often seek counselors and therapists, go through re-birthing and meditation sessions, and buy books and tapes. We might talk to friends and join support groups, become more devote in our beliefs hoping for consolation, or take medications and try hypnosis. These are all valid resources, but the truth is that until we're ready to heal ourselves, nothing will help.

Have you ever noticed that life is a process and all parts of our life/being are also a process? Each part of us is its own universe that supports and works with the rest of our parts, all of which make up the whole of Who We Are. When one part of us is not healthy or working properly, it affects all the other parts. When this occurs, it may feel as though something is ill or missing in our lives.

So it is when we carry all that sorrow and anguish and anger around with us year after year. It is likened to a cancer of the heart that eats away at us and prevents us from our true birthright, which is love. When we are able to forgive, we open the door to joy, creativity, abundance, beauty, compassion, physical health, personal power, inner peace and unconditional love.

The following is one of the most profound and powerful self-help tools I know of for healing the wounded soul. It is an intense, emotional process that is purging, healing and freeing.

Before you begin, unplug the phone, lock the doors and draw the curtains. It is important to give yourself undivided attention and a safe atmosphere in which you feel protected.

You will need two pieces of paper, and a little sage for smudging. You can make this as elaborate as you want or feel the need.

For the first part of the exercise, take one of the papers and write down every single thing that you believe other people did to hurt you. This can be things they said, things they did or didn't do, promises not kept, abuse – anything that brings back a painful memory. Even if it seems ridiculous, write it down. This paper is for your eyes only, and no one else is ever going to see it.

As you write, you may feel overwhelmed with emotion and may find old wounds opening back up. This is normal. Continue to write. When you are finished with your list, bring each person into your mind's eye and say out loud, "(Person’s name), I forgive you for (doing whatever was done or not done) to me." Do this with each individual and action on your list, one by one. It is helpful to be specific.

When you have finished your list and spoken of the pain in your heart, take your piece of paper, smudge it and throw it in a fire. It is also fine to light it over the toilet. It is important to burn your list immediately to release the energy it now contains.

As you are smudging the paper and giving it to the fire, say out loud, "I forgive each one of you with my whole heart, and release all the pain and anger I have ever felt towards you. I forgive you all and find only love in my heart for you," or similar words that feel right to you. You may notice a huge release as though the world is being lifted from you as you complete the process.

If you feel up to the second part of this exercise, it is best to do it all at once. This will allow healing to take place at a very rapid rate. If you do not feel ready, however, you may have to wait a few days to continue.

When you are ready, get your second piece of paper out and repeat the same writing process, this time listing all the things you think you may have done or said to others which you believe may have caused them pain or suffering. When you have written everything down, bring each person into your mind's eye, and one by one, ask them for their forgiveness of those things. It might go something like this: "(Name here), please forgive me for the time I (action here) to you." Go down your entire list, and then repeat the steps of smudging and giving your paper to the fire, as you did in the first part of this process, while asking for forgiveness.

Once again, this may be a very powerful release for you and it may take a few days before you feel "normal" again. You may find that the people you have chosen to include in this forgiveness process will suddenly call or send a letter, or even show up at your door. On a deep subconscious level, they have also been affected and perhaps healed by the profound act of forgiveness you have given to and received from them.

You may find a need to repeat this process a number of times, depending on the amount of pain you are carrying around. It is vital to your own growth and emotional well being to honor the process as often as necessary. You will know, intuitively, when you are finished.

The process of deep forgiveness is much like being reborn, and the excitement of it may fire you up to the point of wanting to share it with others. That too is an indication of your own healing. For the first time in your life, you may truly feel as though you are living to your fullest potential as a loving, compassionate, free and spiritual being, able to experience peace and love at last.

A student and practitioner of alternative healing for more than 20 years, Raven is the creator of Raven's Herbal Remedies and publishes a newsletter called Raven’s Reflections, Nourishment for the Body, Mind & Spirit. For more information, call (907) 745-7293 or visit her website http://www.ptialaska.net/~raven2